Loving and accepting yourself is CRITICAL to true success in life. I don’t mean success as in career, though that too, I am referring to health. Our mental, emotional and physical wellbeing depend on our ability to be accepting of all that we are, have been and will be. The journey, as we all know, is not an easy one. The path we go down is not even a straight shot there, it is more like the yellow brick road in The Wizard of Oz. You start by going around in a small circle and find your fair share of twists and turns along the way. Unlike the Wizard of Oz, we do not actually have a road that was pre built, so we must start from where we are.
I, personally, have been down many different paths. Some of them dead ends and others, well lets just say a lot of lessons have been learned. One of the biggest takeaways for me, and one that I struggle with, still to this day, are boundaries. Setting boundaries for yourself and those around you is absolutely necessary.
“We teach people how to treat us by what we allow.” Read that again.
Mind-blowing, right?! If you allow your boundaries to be pushed over or crossed in any way, you are showing people that it is OK to do so. It becomes a representation of the love and respect you have for yourself, or the lack thereof. This, then translates into the love and respect you are willing to accept. At this point, an endless cycle begins. A narrative is created in your mind that tells you over and over again that you deserve to be loved this way and you, like all of us, start to believe it. In fact, it becomes so much a part of who you are that you can’t even imagine what greater love would look like. Even more, our dreams become small. The possibilities for our future become tainted by the ideas we have fed it and the ideas of others we allow in. Our focus becomes narrow, to the here and the now, and so begin the distractions.
We attempt to move past the sadness of the unhappiness we have created for ourselves. If you’re anything like me, you will clean (A LOT), read as a form of escape from the real world, or find yourself down a rabbit hole on social media. Of course, we all know these things only placate the mind for a short while. Therefore, our boundaries matter. One thing I am constantly reminded of, is that we must first learn to truly love ourselves before we are able to truly love anyone else. Admittedly, creating this path can be a tricky thing to do. Often times, when we begin we are met with resistance. Creating the boundaries we need can come at the cost of upsetting people. Again, if you’re anything like me, the thought of upsetting people is one that is hard to cope with. Even though we are not setting out to intentionally hurt anyone or make anyone feel badly that can be the price that is paid. At the risk of sounding sexist here, I have found that women in particular have the hardest time with this. Even more so, if there is some kind of past traumatic experience involved. What often ends up happening is boundaries are crossed until they become non existent. This becomes our way of ensuring that we continue to be accepted by those we wish to keep in our lives, by not hurting them or causing discomfort. What we do not see is that we are actually hurting the most important person in our lives, ourselves. Yes, I know that sounds like a bit of a cliché. I am certain you have heard that phrase a time of two in before. Though, I would argue that it is worth saying it again and maybe even ten more times. Whatever it takes to help ingrain this thought into your head (and mine).
The boundaries we set and the love we give ourselves is not one size fits all. We all have our own journey, our own stories and our own needs. What I have found to be super helpful for me is what I am doing here, writing it out. Listening to my own voice has helped me continue down my path despite the difficulties. It has helped me understand what my values are. To understand that it is OK to say no. It is OK to be vocal when something is not quite right. It is OK to live your life in a way that makes you happy. Most importantly, it is OK to let go of those who chose not to walk the path with you. It has opened my mind, my eyes and my soul to what this vast world has to offer. In essence, until we are able to set those boundaries and freely give our love to ourselves we will always be hiding behind the mask of fear distractions and what if’s.
