If someone told me a year ago that we would be living through a world wide pandemic I would have never believed it. Let alone one of the most controversial election years we have ever had. It has been nine months now and it feels like the world has been flipped upside down. We are in a time where social engagements are a thing of the past and face masks are the newest fashion accessory. Our homes have become our office as well as the classroom our children have come to know. The separation of our lives and duties no longer exists. The days and nights are running together and in what feels to be a blink of an eye the new year is upon us. All of the changes we have endured are merely a reminder that the control we think we have is only an illusion.
I for one am a HUGE over-thinker (hence the name of this site). My need for reassurance and control is profoundly overwhelming. These emotions have intensified immensely since the lock downs have begun. Each passing day has become another day that seems out of my control or rather the illusion thereof. Before the pandemic I was on a journey of “finding” myself and trying to make my way through life with intention. I realized that I needed change. What I didn’t expect at the time was how different life would become. The world has turned into a place of fear, anxiety and depression. We as human beings crave connection to others. That is our means of survival and during trying times such as these, we need it most. It is unfortunate that it has taken such a drastic turning point for us to realize what is important in life and what is not.
What I have learned is that I do not need to “find” myself. I was never lost to begin with. I have been perfectly imperfect this whole time. My only fault was that I was trying to be the picture of perfect. Constantly forcing myself to fit into the “socially acceptable” image I created in my head. If at any time I fell outside of that frame I saw only my ineptitude. What I did not see was that the further away I got the more profound my vision became. In fact, it was not ineptitude I was seeing at all, it was me. I only needed to remind myself of all that I am. The mere existence of our beating heart is our reminder that we are more than enough as we are.
I am ringing in the new year by getting back to one of the things I love most and that is writing! Welcome to my blog.
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